Goodbye, My Love
by BuffySummersWannabe
Summary: This is a story of what Willow is thinking a few days after she loses Tara. It shows how she deals with how much she's hurt everyone she loves and how difficult the withdrawal from magic really is on her. Enjoy!
1. 3 Days

**This is a one-shot about what Willow is thinking a few days after Tara left her.**

**This is my first attempt at writing fan fiction, so review and give me pointers on how I can improve my writing.**

**Thanks!**

Willow looked around the room, taking it in.

It seemed emptier, somehow, and colder, much, much colder than it had.

3 days. It had been 3 days since she had lost everything. 3 days since she had stopped using magic. 3 days since her friends had cleared out everything, so she would not be tempted to relapse. 3 days since she had nearly caused a disaster. 3 days since Tara had left.

_Tara,_ Willow thought, _I was so stupid to lose her like that. I should have known better than that. I should have worked it out, not hid behind magic._

All of the sudden Willow started shaking uncontrollably.

_Not again!_ She thought.

It was like withdrawal, only stronger, and harder to resist.

She had become addicted to the magic, the power, the rush. The problem with episodes like this one was that the magic came from her being, so she had to be careful of letting it leak.

_I can't let it control me!_ She thought forcefully, as if this would make the feeling go away. _No! No! No! Not again! Never again! I refuse to let it control me!_

With more effort than she would be willing to admit, she was able to push down the need for magic.

She had been careful not to let Buffy or Xander see how much she struggled, to leave the room when she had an episode like this.

They had noticed that she struggled, but not how much.

_I can do this. _She thought, as she got into her sweat pants and tee shirt. _I have to do this if I ever want a chance to undo what I did._

She started to tremble again, but not with withdrawal this time, with sobs. Tears for the mistakes she had made, for the people she had hurt, and for the love she had lost.

_Just relax and it will all go away. _She thought._ If I can just get to sleep, then I can escape all of this, if only for a few hours._

And she did get some sleep that night, but it was no escape. She spent the entire night tossing and turning with nightmares of what had happened the past few years, with Buffy, Giles, Xander, Dawn, and mostly, Tara.

She woke up at 2:47 that night, smothering a scream, after dreaming of Tara, yelling about everything she had ever done to hurt her.

She cried herself back to sleep thinking: _Why? Why me? What did I do to deserve all of this? Why won't it all just go away? What have I done?_

**Than you for reading this!  
><strong>**I hope you enjoyed it!  
><strong>**Don't forget to write a review!**


	2. Now I Know

Finally, Willow thought, a moment to myself.

She had made sure to keep as busy as possible, which had not been very difficult.

Without magic, everything took longer than she was used to.

But she welcomed the challenge, mostly because it kept her mind off of how difficult it was to resist the urge to use magic, but also because it helped her prove to herself that she can function on her own.

Willow sat down on the bed she used to share with Tara.

She was sure that the process of quitting magic would have been much easier if she still had Tara.

Almost every night she had been woken up by the symptoms of withdrawal, which plagued her everywhere she went, and had reached out to where Tara should be, only to find a cold, empty bed next to her.

She thought back to about 2 weeks ago, when she had sat in the same place, thinking about what she had caused.

What have I done? She had thought.

Well, Willow thought, now I know. I've lost all the trust my friends used to have for me, I've nearly killed Dawn because I was overpowered by magic darker than I should have used, I've succeeded in pushing everyone I care about far away, and I've managed to lose the love of my life in the process.

"Wow," Willow muttered under her breath, "My life really is one big mess after another!"

But I can fix this one. She thought. I know I can! I just have to take it slow. One step at a time, baby steps, that's all it takes.

Willow couldn't keep herself from smiling at that thought, baby steps.

She and Tara had gone out to get coffee for the Scooby's one night, not too long ago, and had started talking about common sayings.

Things like easy as pie, or once in a blue moon.

They had spent longer than necessary getting coffee on account of having such fun just being cynical.

Baby steps had been one of those phrases. They had talked about how babies actually took normal sized steps, in comparison to their bodies, at least.

Then they had joked around and taken tiny steps all the way up the block, which ended in them tripping and spilling Giles's coffee all over the sidewalk.

The had not stopped laughing until after they had gone back to the coffee shop, gotten another cup of coffee, and made it back to the Magic Box.

And even then they would sometimes look over at each other and fall into another giggling fit.

If only nights like those had lasted.

She thought of another common phrase: You never know what you have until it's gone.

Well. Willow thought, as she curled up on the too cold, too empty bed. Someone got that one mostly correct.

You know what you have; you just don't realize how much it means to you until it's gone.


End file.
